So, a little about me…
Growing up, I was always involved in some form of movement including swimming, dancing and Taekwondo but was always on the chubbier side of healthy. Being young though, I was full of life and curious about the world.
Things suddenly changed for me when I fell pregnant at 22. The world as I knew it was about to change dramatically. Was I ready for this? Hell no. To make things worse, I was in a turbulent relationship that ended a few months after I had my daughter. Just to add another little sprinkle of drama, my Hashimoto’s disease (an auto-immune thyroid condition) had been triggered by the stress of pregnancy and so my hormones were all over the place.
So now, I’m 23, have a baby, and I’m on my own, aside from my immediate family which were very supportive at the time. I knew that I had a little person counting on me to be strong, to be positive and to persevere. So, I did just that! My determination kicked in and I went off to study to become a fitness professional and Pilates instructor. This allowed me to be fit and strong physically and emotionally while giving me the flexibility to be there for my daughter who was my inspiration to keep going. For a while, it was just the 2 of us and I thought I was happy, until my now husband came into the picture.
The year I turned 30 I married my best friend and I was the happiest, most vibrant person you would have seen. I was living my best life. I was in love, had a great relationship with my daughter, was at my ideal weight and feeling beautiful. I fell pregnant with my second child and I was over the moon.
Then once again, things changed. I had my gorgeous little boy and my life appeared to be perfect. I had a loving and supportive husband. I had 2 beautiful healthy children. We had our own home with heaps of space in an amazing suburb, I had the most loving dog who would shower me with admiration and affection. Everything seemingly perfect, yet I felt less than perfect. I was sad, frustrated, angry, unaccomplished, disgusted with my now unappealing body, and so many other feelings that I didn’t even know how to explain.
Why was I feeling this way? What was wrong with me? How could I not be feeling gratitude and happiness for all my accomplishments in life? Did I mention I was in my final year of my nutrition degree? That’s just crazy.
I love my family so fiercely, why was I feeling this way? My body was able to create life and breastfeed this child, how could I not see the awe in such a magnificent process?
I had lost my zest for life.
Determined to find happiness again for myself and for my family who I value so much, I went on a learning quest. I learnt that I was not alone in my experience. So many mothers feel this bag of mixed emotions which may or may not be diagnosed as post-natal depression. I tapped back into my love of movement and reconnected with my Pilates practice. I learnt that for me to combat the negative thoughts in my head I needed to change my mindset. I was creating more stress, depression, and anxiety by trying to attain this idea of perfection rather than listening to my inner wisdom. This became especially important for trying to manage my Hashimoto’s symptoms again. By obsessing with my food intake, making sure I was eating “super clean”, I was actually moving further away from my health ideal. I was heading down the path of orthorexia and forgetting that mind and body are connected. So I started practicing intuitive eating which helped me to make peace with food and to connect to my body’s inner wisdom. I began practicing meditation, gratitude and finding the positives in my life. Making to for self-care and preservation. Just taking it day by day. Learning to be kind and patient with myself. Building a positive relationship with myself.
My aim is to bring awareness and assistance to women and mum’s out there that are suffering with this ideal of perfection. I believe every woman has the right to feel good and take time to care for herself. My wish is to inspire and support stressed women and mums to find their zest and vitality for life by finding their love of movement, finding peace around food, connecting to their body signals and inner wisdom, boosting their feelings of happiness, improving their nutrition, building strength and resilience, boosting confidence, and feeling energised for themselves and for their families.
If you’ve read this all the way to the end, I’m assuming this story may have resonated with you at some level. If you are seeking help and support, I would love to hear from you and see if I can help. Please reach out to me by submitting your details via the contact page.
Annabella Bikesic is a qualified nutritionist (BHlthSc), Professional Health and Wellness Coach- registered with HCANZA, Qualified intuitive eating councillor- https://www.intuitiveeating.org/, Registered Fitness Professional- Fitness Australia, Pilates Instructor.